Recently, I experienced a situation of sexual harassment. The man who harassed me is an older Caucasian, perhaps about 60 years old, and is a professional at an educational institution. I came to know him through a presentation he made in a class, and he subsequently offered me a part-time writing education position. Desiring to continue to professionally network with this man, sometime later, I stopped by to see him at his office. We made small talk for a couple of minutes, and when I was about to leave, I extended my hand for him to shake it. He took my hand and kissed it. That’s not all, but I leave it at that for my purposes here.
This is not the first experience of sexual harassment that I have experienced or reported throughout my life. In fact, it is one of many. 😦 The first experience of sexual harassment that I remember was as a five-year-old girl, being sexually harassed by a wealthy entrepreneur in my community while my family was at one of his businesses. This man got away with it then, and continued it.
Thinking back through each experience of sexual harassment that I have encountered, it has always been a married man, 90% of whom are Caucasian. Men have deliberately and provocatively grabbed their privates in front of me, breathed heavily and suggestively while standing behind me, suggestively said that they “have something special” for me, and have just used alot of inappropriate sexual innuendo, lewd sexual jokes, or other sexually suggestive and/or sexually aggressive words or actions. It is extremely offensive and creates a hostile environment, whether at work, school, church, or any other place.
So many experiences of sexual harassment prompt me to ask, “What is wrong with men that they believe they must sexually harass girls and women?” All of the men who have sexually harassed me have been married men. Don’t they get their “fill” from their wives at home? Are they so insecure that it empowers them to sexually harass girls and women? Or, are they too confident or cocky that they think it is acceptable and that they will get away with it? Perhaps it is amusing or entertaining for them, and they get their thrills out of sexually harassing girls and women. Whatever the reason, it is wrong, dehumanizing, objectifying, immoral, offensive, and disgusting.
Too many men have the wrong idea about girls and women. Men ought to be more protective of girls and women. The men who have sexually harassed me have wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, and/or neices. Do they behave in the same manner toward them? Do they believe that their actions are any less serious if they sexually harass someone outside of their families? 😦 Many of these men who have sexually harassed me have daughters and even granddaughters who are my age! That men sexually harass girls and women diminishes all men. That so many resort to acting on their sexual desires when it is inappropriate creates situations that are intolerable and unacceptable.
My philosophy is that real men respect and appreciate girls and women. Real men stand up for girls and women, and take a stand against those men who harass or otherwise harm them. Real men do not believe, promote, encourage, or accept so many of society’s lies about girls and women. Real men care about girls and women because they understand how challenging and difficult it is for them to achieve and be successful.
When men sexually harass women – particularly me – it completely changes my perspective of them. There are always those men who believe they can sexually harass women, or worse. There are always those men who escalate their actions because they have gotten away with it. It seems to empower them and give them even more confidence for the next time that they sexually harass a female.
Sadly, in situations in which the girl or woman stands up to the man who is sexually harassing her, I have found that, typically, the female is the one who is blamed. Too often, both men and women believe the man who is the sexual harasser. A man could sexually harass a girl or woman for years, but when the female attempts to stop it in whatever ways, it is she who is incorrectly blamed and revictimized. 😦 This has been my experience and the experience that I have observed in other girls and women, as well. That so many refuse to see and understand this further diminishes people as a humanity. So, even though girls and women are blamed and revictimized by these situations, we must not remain silent about them. Silence does not imply acceptance, however that is what it means to many people. We must make our voices be heard in order to effect positive change for the good of everyone.
Men and women must do more to stand up for girls and women who are sexually harassed and worse. Men must change their attitudes toward girls and women so that they are viewed in human terms, not being dehumanized or objectified by men. And, the women who believe and support men who sexually harm girls and women in any way must also change their perspectives and realize how far down they have fallen. More positive change and support are definitely needed for girls and women who experience sexual harassment and other types of sexual misconduct.