To everyone, may you enjoy a happy and blessed Thanksgiving! Remember all that there is for which to be thankful. 🙂
To everyone, may you enjoy a happy and blessed Thanksgiving! Remember all that there is for which to be thankful. 🙂
On Thanksgiving, what I am always most thankful for is my family. My family is always there for me in thick and thin. My family has weathered many storms and enjoyed sunny days together; I can count on my family for love, compassion, and support, and I provide the same to them. I don’t have a very large family, nor do I have much money, but I have a big heart, full of lots of love. My love is shared with and among my family, for whom I am most thankful on Thanksgiving and every day.
Other things for which I am thankful include food, faith, community, freedom, education, technology, career, and health. I am thankful for food, though it is not easy to get by from month to month with food prices continuing to rise. I appreciate my faith because, if it was not for that, I would not be where I am today, and things would likely be much worse. I am grateful for community, such as organizations that provide fellowship, to my family.
I am always thankful for freedom and I remember my grandmother’s stories about when she lived in Communist Poland, with people fearing for their lives when homes were raided in the middle of the night and people were never seen again. I am grateful for education, though the large debt required to pay for it is a hardship. I appreciate technology that makes life easier. And, I am thankful for career in many capacities, including that of being a mother, as well as for the potential of a stable gainful and enjoyable employment in a workplace with decent people, if that is ever attainable. I am thankful for my good health so I do not have to pay out-of-pocket to see the doctor as a result of being without health insurance.
So often, organizations such as colleges, churches, and charities have fundraising drives to help give to those in need. When I am asked to donate, I reply that I could benefit from some assistance, myself. As a poor single white mother, so often such places overlook people such as myself, as has occurred again this year. People in my shoes are reduced to begging for even a little bit in return. People may maintain the perspective that whites have privilege and that is definitely a stereotype that hurts poor white single mothers such as myself because the majority of any aid, as I observe, goes to people of other races.
I am also thankful for the holes in some of my shabby clothes and worn-out shoes, the place that I live even though it is not my own, the student loans that provide opportunity, my nearly decade-old vehicle that is still in great shape, and that sacrifices that I am able to make for the benefit of my family. I am thankful for the $15 haircut that I get every two months instead of going to a salon and spending loads of money, and the $3 bottle of fingernail polish that I can use for a manicure or pedicure instead of going someplace to have it done for me. I am grateful for the free lunch that I eat twice each week at my apprenticeship, and for the store closing sale at the local KMart where I can save a few dollars on Christmas gifts for my son. I am thankful for what little I have because more is always spent than saved.
These are additional reasons why I am thankful for my family, particularly at Thanksgiving. Every so often, there is that rare person who comes along who might be caring and/or supportive, but with my family, I know they will always be there, in good and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. People should be more important than money and possessions, and indeed, my family is most important to me.
So, on this Thanksgiving, I invite you to think about family, values, and people in need. Think about and be thankful for people who are close to you. Think about people whom you see at work or in church every week who have little or nothing, and who are usually overlooked in their need. Take action on what you can do rather than what you cannot. Open your heart and mind to see what you do not want to see, and take action for what you otherwise would not have done. A little bit goes a long way, especially for folks who don’t have much.
Happy Thanksgiving! Remember what you are thankful for!
[Author’s Note: Within one day of posting this article, I was solicited by a man on LinkedIn, out-of-state, to contact him by whatever means necessary. People really need to get their heads out of the gutter, and be open to simply being helpful to those in need without being offensive and/or wanting something (inappropriate) in return. Solicitation is so offensive, degrading, and dehumanizing to me; is nothing that I have ever done; and it is incredible to me that so many men (I’ve experienced this many times on LinkedIn) do it. It is unfortunate and tragic for humanity that there are those who attempt (and succeed) in taking advantage of people in need in a sexual manner.]
Through the years, I have acquired and contemplated different perspectives on gift-giving, especially as it pertains to giving gifts to men. Basically, I have come to the conclusion that the majority of men are unable to successfully cope with receiving gifts from women. The situation is even worse when the woman is single or divorced because many men seem to believe the woman has ulterior motives and wants something from him – or wants to give something to him, namely sex – if she gives him a gift. I would like to take some time to analyze my observations to follow.
There are many reasons that a woman may give a gift to a man. Within a committed partnership or marriage, there is an expectation that partners are supposed to give and receive gifts with each other. In situations in which a woman is single or divorced, as in my case, however, I have noticed that most men jump to all kinds of incorrect conclusions, and make misjudgments and inaccurate assumptions when a woman gives a man a gift. I have always wondered why that is, and what in our cultural and society that seems to cause it to be so taboo for women to give gifts to men, and for men to receive gifts from women, particularly those who are in a platonic and/or professional relationship that does not involve anything sexually intimate.
When I give a gift – whether to a man, woman, or child – for whatever reason, I gain satisfaction, fulfillment, and intrinsic personal rewards from being giving. It makes me feel good to be giving, and I like to be giving. Whether I give restaurant gift card to a man in simple gratitude and in return for some nice personal or professional action he has taken on my behalf, or whether I send a card or letter in appreciation, I was taught to be thankful, to show my gratitude, and to give something back in return for what I received. That was something that was ingrained into me from a very young age. One does not simply “take” from another without showing gratitude and doing something good and nice in return.
So, this brings me to my gift-giving dilemma regarding men. In my entire life, I will estimate that there have been only four men who have been able to accept a gift from me of a restaurant gift card, or some other gift, and still continue to maintain a good, platonic, respectful professional relationship with me. Out of how many men in my life who have ever been kind to me or who have done something nice for me, and for whom I have provided something appropriate in return, it does not say much that only four men have appeared to have been able to cope and interact with me in the same manner as prior to my giving the gift to them. Most men seem to lose respect for women who give gifts to them, as I have experienced. And that, in turn, causes me to lose respect for them because they are unable to accept me for who I am.
Of course, there are other reasons that women give gifts to men, as well. Sometimes, giving a gift to a man could be to test his reaction, to see if he will actually behave and interact with her in the same manner as he did previously, or if he will change in his interactions toward her – whether positively or negatively. At other times, and because men are so easily driven away by women who give gifts to them, women may purposely do so in order to actually drive the man away. Of course, there may be reasons for that in that perhaps he has repeatedly harassed or sexually harassed her in the past, and she believes there is no other alternative but to make him stop by creating a similar situation toward him that he did toward her.
Additionally, in my experience, men who are very hyper-masculine have much difficulty in receiving any type of gift from a woman unless it is sexual in nature. I believe this is due to society’s highly and inaccurately sexualized portrayals that women always wants to fling themselves at men and that men always want sex. Most men appear to feel threatened in some way by a woman who gives them a gift. And, it is not only the men who are hyper-masculine who have difficulty in accepting gifts from women, but most average men, as well. Also, those men who are very insecure and lack confidence in themselves are truly unable to cope with receiving gifts from women. Once received, they say they don’t want the gift or even return it after, at first, having said it was an item that they wanted. Only those men who appear to have much confidence in themselves have ever evidenced to me that they can successfully cope with receiving any type of gift from me, both as a woman, and as a divorced, single woman.
Such behavior by men can often leave women confused, disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. Women typically do not behave in such a manner when another women gives her a platonic gift, in support, gratitude, or appreciation for something. Women do not appear to have the same strings attached in receiving gifts from women that men have. So, entering into the realm of gift-giving toward men is a completely different world. Based on the reactions that I have received from many men to my own gift-giving throughout the years, I have come to the conclusion that it is better to just send a “thank you” letter or send nothing at all. I think that this is what most men expect when they do something nice for a woman – or, perhaps, they expect nothing at all.
Therefore, I am thankful to all of the men who have not appreciated my gifts throughout the years because they have taught me that it is better to invest in my son and myself, my family. But for the four or so men who have been successfully able to cope with receiving gifts from me as a woman and/or divorced, single woman who has absolutely no other interest in them but to show gratitude and appreciation, any further gift-giving that I do with men will likely be on a very minimal scale. Most men truly need to be able to cope with and appreciate receiving gifts from women, without losing respect for them, without changing their behavior and interactions toward them in a negative manner, and without allowing their minds to reach gutter level. It has been a difficult lesson to learn, though I am thankful for having come to the realization that I have on gift-giving regarding most men.
I would like to wish everyone the joy and blessings of the holiday season, and a happy and healthy new year. Merry Christmas to those who observe the Christian celebration of Jesus’ birth. Happy holidays to those who observe other religious celebrations.
Especially, I would like to recognize and thank my parents and the St. Vincent de Paul Society of St. John Neumann Church in Lilburn, Georgia for all of your help and support to my son and I during the past year. Thank you so much!
May God bless us all.
Another Thanksgiving has arrived, and again, I am most thankful for my family, especially for my son and all children. Children are our future. I believe that children are a blessing and a most precious gift from God. Children give us joys and sorrows. They depend upon us, grow with us, and become independent from us. We are the role models for our children. We have been given a most important duty of raising our children to the best of our ability.
I believe that all children should have what they need in life – the most important of these being good and decent parents who love and care for them properly and as parents should. Money is not the most important. Looks are not the most important. What is most important is what is inside – the genuine goodness and beauty that can be instilled into a child by nurturing, caring, and compassionate role models.
I believe that life’s biggest responsibility – if one has children – is to be the best possible parent. So, on this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my son, for being a mom, and for my parents in being role models for me and for my son, their grandson. I pray that all children will have the loving and caring role models and guides in their lives whom they need. I am thankful.
For all those who celebrate this important, family-oriented holiday, may you enjoy a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!