On Being Sad

Such a turn of events has occurred. I guess it is all a part of being human. How funny it was that I just posted yesterday about being happy. I am generally a very happy person – happy with myself, others, life, God, etc. Not so much at the present moment. I am devastated. I haven’t cried that hard in years. When my clients are upset about something and start to cry, I encourage them to do so. It is cleansing to cry, to vent, to let it out. Then, they can start fresh and try to clean the slate. I took my own advice this evening.

It appears that I have lost a close friend. That is like a death, and I am grieving the death. That is how I can cope – by thinking of it as a death. Another thing I tell my clients is to do what works for you. Well, in situations like this, that’s what works for me. If that person is no longer in my life, they have “died.”

I am meant to be alone. I have been trying to come to terms with it for the past couple of years. It really is better to just accept it, but it is difficult to accept that there is no one out there for you. It is definitely a vocation to be a single person. For the past 15 years, I consider myself to have been a single person. The only thing is, I cannot feel sorry for myself. I have to let it out like a flash flood and move on because I am a parent and I have to be responsible for everything, basically. That’s how I feel. I guess it’s just my own fault. Sometimes, I feel like I exist just to work and pay bills. Thankfully, my son is in my life. Without him, I’m not sure where I’d be, but I can guess. I live for my son.

And speaking of my son, he can definitely understand what it’s like to lose a friend. He has lost many throughout his young life already, by no fault of his own. Just a couple of weeks ago, he named and numbered for me all of his close friends that have moved away in his life. I actually didn’t realize the number was so high. It is definitely challenging to reach out and open up to people when all of your close friends move away. Therefore, one thing he has learned is to keep to himself. I don’t blame him.

Keeping to ourselves is a form of self-protection. As a counselor, I recognize that. It is a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from being hurt. I, on the other hand, am the person who keeps trying to reach out to others, and find myself being hurt in the process. Is it better to keep to myself? But then, I wouldn’t be me if I did that. I love people and get energized by people.

I am just good at pushing people away, I guess. My confidence and personality are very strong, and it appears that no one is able to handle that. I am no one’s enemy, only a friend. I will give my heart and my trust on a platter, only to see it all disappear before my very eyes, every time. In the end, I have to laugh it off because it is too painful to handle.

But, such is life – this is all part of the life process, right? I am a person who believes that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t exactly know what that reason is. Even so, perhaps a life of solitude is better than losing friends and being hurt. I don’t know what’s worse. Tomorrow is another day.

“Remembering 9/11” (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Twin Towers, Statue of Liberty, and Manhattan (1)

Twin Towers, Statue of Liberty, and Manhattan (1)

The safety and security of our country became a thing of the past on September 11, 2001.  Terrorists highjacked large airplanes, crashing into our beloved Twin Towers and Pentagon, as well as (supposedly) a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, taking the lives and security of 1,000s of victims with them.  In the aftermath, countless families, friends, emergency responders, medical personnel, and all of America was deeply affected by the tragedies.

The terrorist attacks of 9/11 showed America the face of evil and hatred.  As Americans living in our safe and cozy world of freedom and democracy, many are oblivious to the terrorism, hatred, and evil that occurs around us throughout the world – and on 9/11, in our own country.

Twin Towers, 9/11 Terrorist Attacks (2)

Twin Towers, 9/11 Terrorist Attacks (2)

About 27 years ago, I had a vision in a dream of the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers.  Because it was a dream, I did not know that the images that I saw would actually become a reality.  The instant that I heard on my vehicle’s radio of the plane crash into the first tower in New York City, I knew that the image that I had dreamed was real.  I was shocked, saddened, grieving, incredulous, and without words that what I had seen in my dream really happened. 

Firefighters on 9/11 (3)

Firefighters on 9/11 (3)

The actual image in my dream that I saw so many years ago was of both Twin Towers burning, and minutes after hearing of the first plane crash, the second occurred.  I had taken the day off from work that day due to a medical appointment, and after it, was glued to the television into the night, still incredulous about the terrorism that had occurred. 

Firefighters Raising Flag in Aftermath of 9/11 (4)

Firefighters Raising Flag
in Aftermath of 9/11 (4)

It was devastating to think that I might have been able to give some warning about the event, but did not, because I had not realized that it would be real. 😦 Then, I also think back and wonder if anyone would have believed me even if I did share about such a tragedy.  Would I have also come under scrutiny?  Had I known better, it would have been worth the risk to inform about what I saw in my dream.

Memorial Flowers, Photos, and Flags in Remembrance of 9/11 (5)

Memorial Flowers, Photos, and Flags in Remembrance of 9/11 (5)

I lived in Manhattan in 1993.  The Twin Towers that I fondly remember are those that stand tall and proud, high into the New York City skyline.  That is the New York that I remember.  And, while I prefer to remember the New York City that was in the past, we cannot escape the fact that terrorism does occur and that there are terrorists among us.  I believe that Americans must take greater care and caution in protecting ourselves on a greater scale, to be aware of anything that appears suspicious or amiss, to inform authorities and/or take personal action to deter or stop potential terrorist acts from occurring. 

Pentagon Burning on 9/11 (6)

Pentagon Burning on 9/11 (6)

While we have made great strides as a nation in strengthening and burgeoning our national security, the events that occurred at this year’s Boston marathon are a reminder that more needs to be done.  For the greater good and for the best interests of everyone – including the terrorists who cannot see that their actions are wrong – we, as a nation, must be more aware, take more action, and be more cautious and inform about others’ actions that may seem strange or suspicious. 

Flight 93 Supposed Crash Site, 9/11 (7)

Flight 93 Supposed Crash Site, 9/11 (7)

We must be aware when people take piloting classes, but are not interested in learning how to land a plane.  To me, that would immediately raise suspicions.  We must observe when people are carrying heavy backpacks into crowded events, placing and leaving them there.  We must be aware of people who park vehicles in particular areas and abandon them.  We might even be aware of people who wear heavy clothing on a hot day, in order to conceal a weapon. 

New York City 9/11 Memorial (8)

New York City 9/11 Memorial (8)

Americans must awaken from our slumber, no longer being complacent about our safety and security.  There are many people out there who hate Americans and who will do whatever possible to injure or kill as many of us as possible.  We must be vigilant of our surroundings and environment, taking action, removing our apathy and complacency. 

People Remembering at 9/11 Memorial (9)

People Remembering at 9/11 Memorial (9)

The events of 9/11 should have taught us that we should not necessarily view the world with rose-colored glasses any longer.  Let us always be aware and vigilant so that such terrorist actions are not repeated on our soil.

Photo Credit Websites:

1: http://www.panynj.gov/wtcprogress/events-091101.html

2: http://nwoobserver.wordpress.com/

3: http://www.kpbs.org/photos/galleries/2011/sep/06/remembering-911/

4: http://www.xtimeline.com/evt/view.aspx?id=837061

5: http://onpoint.wbur.org/2011/09/07/remembering-911

6: http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2011/09/7-pentagon-attack-arlington-september-11-attacks-aftermath-pictures/

7: http://911blogger.com/news/2013-02-19/shanksville-pennsylvania-911-mysterious-plane-crash-site-without-plane

8: http://socyberty.com/issues/ten-years-after-the-attacks-of-september-11-2001-obama-recules-in-new-york-at-attacks/

9: http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/09/11/11-years-later-nyc-remembers-911-terror-attacks/