“Society Must Hold Offenders Responsible, Not Punish Victims” (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Mother Nature Crying (Retrieved from http://www.free-hdwallpapers.com/wallpaper/abstract/mother-nature-crying/22445, January 11, 2014)

Mother Nature Crying (Retrieved from http://www.free-hdwallpapers.com/wallpaper/abstract/mother-nature-crying/22445, January 11, 2014)

Very often in our society, we are informed of criminal offenders who are held responsible and accountable for their actions.  There are those in our society who work hard to see to it that perpetrators of crimes are brought to justice, that they are removed from the greater society for a period of time, and so that, potentially, they do not commit the same or similar types of crimes in the future.  There are many people, such as a police officers, attorneys, prosecutors, and judges whose hearts and minds are in the right place when it comes to holding responsible and accountable those who commit crimes, particularly violent crimes, including sex crimes.

Conversely, there are also times when people who have committed crimes are not held responsible or accountable for their crimes, nor are they ever required to answer for their criminal actions.  In these situations, there may or may not be extenuating circumstances in which evidence has been removed or destroyed by the perpetrators and/or accomplices; corroboration and/or substantiation of facts regarding the crime may not be obtained; confessions of those who committed the crimes were not secured; evidence and/or facts regarding the crime were concealed or never located; and other reasons.

Sometimes, in cases involving child sexual abuse, there is the possibility that police, attorneys, prosecutors, and/or parents do not desire to place children on the stand in court to testify against the person(s) who assaulted them.  In other situations, it is possible that a particular network of people, such as athletes or fraternity brothers in a college, promote and live a culture of disrespect and/or violence, covering up for each other when sexual assaults are committed.  Or, has often occurred in the Roman Catholic Church when religious have committed sex crimes, they may be protected by higher authorities in the Church.

Many years ago, a local pediatrician in my area informed me that preschools are commonly places where young children are sexually abused.  I have always remembered that, and have often wondered why doctors do not do more to inform about this and/or take measures aimed at protecting children.  Too often, physicians are more interested in treating a problem or issue after it arises rather than seeking to inform, educate, protect, and prevent such things from occurring in the first place.

In 2007, there were two police reports made regarding a preschool teacher at Sola Fide Lutheran Church Preschool in Lawrenceville, Georgia, describing her repeated sexual abuse of children, aged 2-4, who were in her care.  Four children were identified as having been repeatedly emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by the preschool teacher.  All four children were interviewed by a special investigator with the county police department.  Out of fear, three of the four children denied any sexual abuse by the teacher.  Without corroboration, evidence, or a confession by the accused, the case was unable to be substantiated and was closed.  Without a formal charge or conviction against the teacher, the case was never made public.

One of the children who had been identified as having been abused was the school principal’s two-year-old daughter, who regularly participated in classes with the three and four-year-olds that were taught by the teacher.  In these classes, there was an assistant teacher, as well as a volunteer.  The lead teacher perpetrated the abuse that was ignored and overlooked by the other two women.  Abuse was perpetrated in the bathroom, storage room, and empty classroom in the trailer that was used for classrooms.  During the investigation, the principal destroyed evidence related to the abuse so that it was never identified or recovered by police.  Following the close of the investigation, the school promoted the lead teacher who had perpetrated the abuse by providing her with her own classroom and extending the hours of her classes.  Two years later, the principal got another job, and he and his family left the school.

Child Angel Statue Crying (Retrieved from http://www.watchmanscry.com/article-get-your%20house-in-order.html, January 11, 2014)

Child Angel Statue Crying (Retrieved from http://www.watchmanscry.com/article-get-your%20house-in-order.html, January 11, 2014)

In 1995, a rape was reported to campus police at the University at Buffalo that had occurred in 1992 on the Amherst Campus.  The rape was committed by a male student against a female student.  Both students had been arranged by mutual friends to have a date.  The man took the woman to a local bar, and entered the bar and drank though he was underage, having used an inauthentic driver’s license to enter the establishment.  During the date, the man persistently encouraged the woman to drink, though she drank little.  Following the date and because the student lounge of the woman’s dormitory was a shambles, the woman invited the man in to her dorm room, where he proceeded to deceive her into trusting him, and raped her.  The action was against the woman’s will as the man held her down and caused internal injuries to her while raping her.  The attack was extremely traumatic for the victim who told her friends about it, and they did nothing, in effect becoming accessories to the crime.  In fact, those “friends” never spoke to the survivor again.  No one helped the survivor at her university; she coped the best that she could on her own.

When the rape was reported in 1995 to the campus police at the university, one of the police chiefs laughed about it, demoralizing and dehumanizing the survivor.  The case went to the county district attorney’s office, but was conveniently found to have exceeded the statute of limitations for the category in which the crime was placed.  No support or understanding was offered or provided to the survivor at the university or through the district attorney’s office.  Worse, the district attorney who handled the case told the survivor that she had not been raped, thus blaming and revictimizing the victim.  The offender got away with his crime, was never required to answer for it, and ended up being protected by the DA’s office and the university police by not being brought to justice for it.  Several years following the closure of the case, the perpetrator’s name was deleted from the police report by the campus police, as was the description of the crime that had occurred.  Neither the description of the crime, nor the offender’s name were maintained by campus police in the police report, essentially absolving him of the crime and revictimizing the victim.

These are two examples of crimes in which the perpetrators got away with their offenses.  They were not held accountable, charged, or prosecuted by the very individuals and agencies that are supposed to be protective against crimes, including sex crimes.  While these are just two examples of such situations, there are many more that occur in society every day, and from which perpetrators walk away.

It is important that society be sensitive, understanding, and insightful about victims and survivors of crimes and trauma, including sex crimes.  It seems that most people, because they have not been properly trained in relating with crime victims and trauma survivors, stigmatize and revictimize survivors by blaming, shaming, and punishing them.  Those who should be held accountable and responsible are the perpetrators, themselves, however and often, people make incorrect assumptions and judgments regarding appearances and surface information without knowing all of the details and information that is confidential.

Jesus was also a person who was inaccurately judged by many.  He was a good and merciful person of whom many in power positions were jealous.  Jesus was also different in his goodness, different in that he was so good that he tended not to fit in and was, therefore, ostracized and resented by many.  Jesus was a person who died as a result of jealousy, hated, and evil of those who were unable to tolerate a good and merciful person, a person who was unique and unsurpassable in his goodness and mercy.

Therefore it follows that it is important for people not to inaccurately judge and/or make incorrect assumptions about each other, especially without having all of the details or confidential information.  It is also important that people not stigmatize, blame, punish, and revictimize survivors and victims of crimes, simply out of their own fear, and lack of both insight and understanding.  As people, we should strive to be understanding, helpful, and supportive to each other, as well as forgiving, even in the worst of circumstances, yet also stand up for ourselves and the truth, whether or not we are blamed, stigmatized, punished, or revictimized.

Silence protects and empowers the perpetrators of crimes.  We must seek to speak out about crimes so that criminals are not protected, and so that the greater society is informed and educated about them.

References:

American Psychological Association (2014).  “Understanding child sexual abuse: Education, prevention, and recovery.  What are the effects of child sexual abuse?”  Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.   http://www.apa.org/pubs/info/brochures/sex-abuse.aspx?item=4.  Retrieved January 11, 2014.

Babcock-Nice, M. (November 23, 2013).  “Trauma-focused group therapy proposal for adult female rape survivors.” Atlanta, GA: Argosy University, Atlanta.

Baldor, L.C. (January 10, 2014).  “‘Culture of disrespect’ fuels academy sex assaults.”  MSN.com.   http://news.msn.com/us/culture-of-disrespect-fuels-academy-sex-assaults.  Retrieved January 10, 2014.

“My Change.org Petitions for Children and School Safety” (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Increased Building Security and Protections are Needed in American Public and Private Schools

Increased Building Security and Protections are Needed in American Public and Private Schools

The Sandy Hook Elementary School Tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut was horrific and devastating.  As a mother, a parent, an educator, a Christian, and an American, I was in shock about the incredible terror that was unleashed upon young, innocent, vulnerable children and their school teachers and administrators when I heard of and read about it last Friday, December 14, 2012.  My heart goes out to all of the victims, survivors, families, first responders, and religious who have had any involvement in this devastating tragedy; and that healing and hope will come to all of those who lost loved ones or were traumatized because of it.

I heard about the crisis while volunteering at a local Catholic store that aims to provide support and assistance to those who are in need.  Then, reading an Internet article about the tragedy, I was in shock and disbelief.  My own 9-year-old son became informed of the crisis while still at school by reading the headlines of an Internet article about the tragedy on a teacher’s computer screen.  He coped with his sadness and fears independently without any adult guidance until receiving it from me at school dismissal.

It is bad enough that so many children died.  To add to that, also imagine children throughout our country who have been required to mentally cope with this knowledge and information on their own, without any effective guidance or discussion.  Just yesterday, it was reported that an 11-year-old in Utah brought an unloaded gun and ammunition with him to school for protection.  Safety, protection, and guidance is needed for children, including appropriate shielding from sensitive information about such tragedies.

So many lives have been lost, so much innocence has not been spared.  How can we assure our children, educators, school personnel, and parents throughout our country that students will be safe in our schools in the wake of this tragedy? 

More action is needed to protect children, educators, and school personnel in our schools from violence.  An increased amount of legally-required building securities and protections are needed within our public and private schools throughout America.  More effective assistance and support is also needed for all those who are struggling with mental health issues.

Yesterday, I read about and cried over so many of the funerals that were being held for the victims in the Tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  The lives of all those who died are valuable and important, each in their own ways.  They are the lives of children and adults who will live on in our memories forever.  It is for them that we must act positively to make positive change in the wake of this tragedy.

Today, I signed 35 Change.org petitions related to honoring the victims of Sandy Hook, ending gun violence, curbing the sales of guns and ammunition, and increasing the availability of mental health care.  I also created two of my own Change.org petitions.  Please read, review, and sign my petitions that I posted on Change.org today in support of children.  The petitions include one calling for a National Children’s Day, and another seeking an increase in legally-required building security in public and private schools.  My petitions can be found at the following links:

http://www.change.org/petitions/president-barack-obama-united-states-congress-united-states-senate-create-a-national-children-s-day ; and

http://www.change.org/petitions/president-barack-obama-governors-governors-elect-washington-dc-mayor-increase-legally-required-building-security-at-public-and-private-schools .

The text of my first petition is as follows:

“In the United States, we celebrate so many special days, including Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Sweetest Day, Valentine’s Day, and so many other days to mark special events, occasions, and holidays. The creation and enactment of a National Children’s Day is necessary in the United States. In remembrance of the memories of the 20 children who lost their lives in the Sandy Hook Elementary School Tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14, 2012, an annual day to celebrate children in our nation is desperately needed. The day need not be on December 14, but can be on another day at some point throughout the year.

Countries such as Mexico honor children and have a national children’s day. Americans must also value, honor, appreciate, love, and respect children enough to create and enact a National Children’s Day, correct? It is long past time in the United States for the creation and enactment of a National Children’s Day to celebrate children and their innocence, vulnerability, joy, love, blessings, energy, and so much more that they bring into our lives.

Children are our future. We, as Americans, must value our children enough to create and enact a special day just for the children! 

Please sign this petition to President Barack Obama, and the members of the United States Congress and Senate, to create and enact a National Children’s Day in the United States.

Thank you.”

My second petition reads:

“In the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary School Tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, an increase in legally-required building security and protections are desperately needed in our public and private schools throughout the country.  Public and private schools should be legally-required to have working locked entry/access; working and monitored videocameras throughout the schools; communications devices such as telephones, public address systems, and panic/call buttons in each classroom; trained, competent personnel such as police and/or security officers to react effectively to crises; and practice and participate in regular monthly or quarterly lock-down drills and intruder alert drills. 

Our most precious, loved, and cherished young offspring are placed in the care and responsibility of educators and school staff each day.  They must be more and better-equipped and practiced in reacting to emergency or crisis situations.  Schools throughout the country require regular practice and participation of students and school personnel in fire drills, but there is no regular practice of intruder alert drills or lock-down drills in many schools, especially private and/or parochial schools.  Increased awareness and practice is needed so that everyone can react more quickly, efficiently, and effectively to protect and/or save lives in an emergency or crisis situation.

No matter how safe we would like to think or believe that our schools are, there are always unsafe situations that are unpublicized and unheard.  Just because one has not heard of a dangerous situation occurring in a school, does not mean that it has not occurred. 

We, citizens, educators, parents, and leaders must do more and demand more for the protection, safety, and security of our children in all schools throughout the country.  We must be willing to make positive changes and sacrifices for the protection, safety, and benefit of our children.  Children must be and feel safe in attending school, the place where so many of our children spend a great portion of their lives. 

We must take a stand against the increasing culture of violence in America, and work to improve and enhance the safety, security, and protections within our schools.  Please sign this petition to let our elected leaders know that positive change in these areas is desperately needed. 

Thank you.”

Let us stand together in this tragedy to help make the future better for ourselves, our children, and all Americans.  More must be done.  We must do it today!

“Money Talks: The Decisions of Wealthy School Benefactors may not be in Everyone’s Best Interests” By Michele Babcock-Nice

Money Talks: The Decisions of Wealthy School Benefactors may not be in Everyone’s Best Interests

By: Michele Babcock-Nice

April 10, 2012

There has always been the age-old issue of money being the decision-maker when it comes to wealth, power, influence, and issues. More than one person and friend has advised me that one person cannot change the system, that one person cannot change others’ corrupt and/or unethical practices.

As a person who visualizes a situation and wants to improve it or make it better in some way, I have realized as I have gotten older that – unless I am also extremely wealthy and had money that could talk – my voice is often just a lone whisper in the wilderness. However, I do have a voice, and I enjoy expressing myself in the desire to be heard.

So, while I may not be able to open others’ eyes to unethical, immoral, and/or incorrect practices, I can remain a role model and leader for positive change, for speaking out about the truth that others don’t see – or refuse to see, and for my gift of natural insight into myself and others. It is important for us, as such role models, to express our views and perspectives so that others may be offered alternate snapshots of the world around us.

Also I have gotten older, I have also realized that in sometimes being unable to influence and/or convince others of a better, or more moral, ethical, or correct way, one may be forced to walk away from a situation. I may be wrong, but I believe that sometimes, there is no helping a situation. There may be too many people who share the same beliefs, and those beliefs may be the majority view, whether or not the majority upholds moral, just, fair, and ethical standards.

In education, particularly in schools in which wealthy benefactors have enormous power and influence, those benefactors may or may not have the best interests of the school and/or students in mind. In fact, if such benefactors are leaders of a large and powerful family and/or extended family – such as those comprising of 100s or even 1,000s of members – it is those benefactors whose influence and power will be most felt, whether good or not.

This is why it is of advantage to students, parents, educators, community members, and others to consider every side of a viewpoint or situation. Just because money talks does not necessarily mean that it is a good thing. It may only be a good thing for those wealthy benefactors of a school of which their children and/or relatives attend. They may view things on a completely different level than the common, average, ordinary person since their wealth, status, power, and influence may be so far-reaching. This, then, is not necessarily good for the common person because his or her needs and issues may not be adequately recognized, addressed, or attended to.

In particular, in deciding on a school at which to send your children, and/or choosing a school at which to work in any capacity, one must do as much research as possible and consider all sides of any issue. Of course, there are going to be good and bad things to consider about anyplace, though one must pay particular attention to those issues that have caused conflict and/or that are controversial, as well as the manner in which they were handled. If serious or controversial issues are silenced, and/or if honest, competent employees are falsely disgraced or bullied, our eyes must be opened to the truth that others try to prevent us from seeing and understanding.

As someone who tries to think positively about everything and see the best in others, it is sometimes a rude and painful awakening to realize that not everyone has the best interests of others in mind. Particularly in the situation of those who are extremely wealthy and whose money talks, people must be aware that such individuals may have their own agenda and may be acting in their own self-interests, which may not be the best for everyone. Whether in the area of education or any other profession, it is important to be knowledgeable and aware of these situations.

Author’s Note: Also posted on Twitter and LinkedIn under “People Against Retaliation and Bullying,” April 10, 2012.

“Understanding Today’s Children and Youth: Are you Really in Tune with Today’s Kids?” By: Michele Babcock-Nice

Understanding Today’s Children and Youth:

Are you Really in Tune with Today’s Kids?

By: Michele Babcock-Nice

Our children and students experience so many issues, worries, stresses, expectations, peer pressures, and unfairness in our schools when adults who are entrusted with teaching, supervising, and/or parenting them are not “in touch” or “in tune” with them.  As adults, we must have the proper insights into situations and practice the appropriate actions related to children and students. This means that we must listen to them, be there for them, and be respectful of them and their feelings.

When adults do not listen to children or students, and when they are not properly “in-tune” with them, not viewing all sides of a story or situation, not thoroughly investigating a situation and the reasons for it’s occurrence, not believing children – unless there is good reason not to – that they lose respect for adults, including teachers, administrators, parents, and others in the community.

When this occurs, children and students may believe that they are “on their own” when it comes to having to deal with certain issues, such as bullying and retaliation, including that done toward the child or student by other students, teachers, administrators, parents, and/or others in the community. The child or student may wonder who is there to support him or her. He or she may think it is not worth sharing their issue or concern with adults if the adults don’t believe them, don’t support them, blame them, don’t listen to them, and instead, punish them.

These are the issues that children and students deal with everyday, at home, in school, and elsewhere. When the damage is done to a child by an adult lying against a child just to save his or her own reputation, it incorrectly and unjustly brands the child as dishonest, disrespectful, or a troublemaker. I don’t think that most children seek to cause trouble or be troublemakers. In my perspective, most children want to do whatever they can to please others. If they don’t, they may be grappling with some personal issues.

Therefore, adults don’t need to do more damage to a child by disbelieving the truth, then reprimanding, ignoring, bullying, or otherwise punishing them. Adults must seek to investigate and uncover the whole story – the entire situation, and to understand the reasons for it’s occurrence. Then, it is up to the adults to see that those situations don’t happen again, and that positive steps are taken to assist the child or student in knowing they can be trusting enough of an adult to share the situation with him or her.

There are so many who do damage to children and students, and don’t even realize it. The slightest insult, reprimand, punishment, lack of fairness, and disbelief by a teacher, administrator, parent, or other person can do so much to harm children and students – I have seen it and experienced it, myself, and with my own child. It is those who have the insights into these matters who are then left to try our best to “undo” the damage done by others to children and students.

Sometimes, trying to undo the damage comes in the form of providing incentives and rewards for children and students, in an attempt to repair the unfair punishment(s) the child or student experienced at the hands of others. Other times, undoing the damage may involve therapy or professional support. It is sad when adults don’t realize or care about the damage they’ve done, are dishonest about it, and continue their same behaviors because they have been believed rather than the child or student.

There are those children or students who may actually seek to damage the reputation of another, however, with the insightful adult discovering and investigating the whole story, such damage can be avoided and eliminated.

As adults, we must do our best to be mentally and emotionally “in touch” and “in tune” with our children and students as much as possible in positive ways. When was the last time you really listened to and/or believed your child or student lately?