What is Success?

Success, Retrieved March 6, 2023 from https://www.updatepedia.com/success-quotes/

I have some time this week and was trying to think of something good to write about. I started thinking about success. What is success? What does it really mean? What makes someone successful? I understand that, obviously, there are different definitions of success, and the definition may vary from person to person. The definition of success may vary among genders, ages, backgrounds, faiths, and cultures. However, there may be certain elements of the definition that are universally applicable, and I would like to explore that.

There are different areas that success can apply to – success in life, success in one’s self, success in family, success in work, success in school, success in many things. Does success include love, compassion, and sensitivity? Does it mean being understanding? Does it include doing one’s best or being one’s best? Does it include helping others and giving back to society? Does it mean being a good leader, role model, or example for others? Does it mean “being there” for others? Does it mean encouraging others to be their best and do their best? Does it mean picking others up when they fall and being forgiving? Does it mean helping to prevent others from falling and helping them to proceed on the “right” path? Does success mean being thankful, grateful, and humble?

Success means all of these things. One cannot just determine “success” to be one thing. Success encompasses so much and has many different interpretations. If one has only financial success, but is not successful in other areas, such as being a good leader and being genuinely kind to others, then to me, that person is not a “success.” I have had friends in the past who are extremely wealthy and powerful, and that wealth and power may be a pedestal on which they stand, but to me, a bigger determiner of success is how they treat others and I cannot always speak highly of that. If someone has “success” through money, power, and influence who is also cut-throat and two-faced, that person is not a success, but has only used and thrown away others as stepping stones to get where they are today.

A similar perspective may also apply to people in the area of faith. In faith, a person is successful who can love, accept, welcome, and understand others. Sometimes, this is difficult to do, but with God’s help, it is easy. As a person of faith, I also remember that people who are leaders in the faith are people – they are not perfect, they do not have all of the answers, and sometimes, they may actually not be the “best” leaders – they are works in progress. To increase “success” in the area of faith would be for faiths to recognize flaws and weaknesses, and work to correct, strengthen, and/or improve upon them. Such success would also potentially carry over to believers and would be a better benefit for all.

Success in family can also mean different things for different people. Success in family relationships may mean being loving, caring, and supportive. It may also include being appropriately disciplining and structuring, providing opportunities for family members to be themselves, but also to be willing to be positively-guided by others in the family. While the circumstances of life have caused me to be a single parent for many years, I have consistently invested love, care, support, and quality time into my son. I have wanted for him to have the very best of what I could offer and provide to him in that area of success by just “being there” in a positive and supportive fashion.

Many years ago, one of the first students I taught as a full-time teacher in Stone Mountain, Georgia was a 6th grade gang member. Myself and the school resource (police) officer were his mentors. He was being raised in a family where both of his parents were addicts, and he therefore took to the streets to find his “family.” Sadly, there was never enough that my colleague and I could do or say for him to reassess his choices. This is obviously an extreme example of family relationships, but it shows the importance of “being there” for your kids and making the “right” choices.

And, what about success in one’s work? Again, people can view this in different ways. For some, work success may mean being the leader in your field – being the absolute best. For others, it may mean doing one’s best in what one simply loves to do without a need for being at the top. For others, work success may even mean earning enough to support one’s self or one’s family, or simply holding a job. We must also remember that being a good homemaker and/or invested full-time parent is also a round-the-clock job, as well; these days, that never gets enough credit.

What I have described are just some areas of what might be considered when we think about what success means and what it involves. To me, at this stage in my life, the biggest elements of success include loving myself and being truly happy with myself; loving and “being there” for my son; being happy in my work; and having good, positive relationships with others. That is true success for me right now. I owe it to God, myself, and others for having reached this point in my life. I feel I have nothing to prove. I am who I am. No one can take that away. I am happy within myself, and that is a great gift to have – one of the elements of success, for me.

We must also remember that mistakes and failures also help contribute to success. Sometimes, we can be down on ourselves and emotionally beat ourselves up over mistakes and failures. However, to view them more positively and realistically, we must see them as opportunities to improve, to do better, and to learn. Hopefully, we learn the “better” way of saying, doing, or thinking about something, and put that into practice. I see many people in my work and day-to-day life who appear to be on a repetitious cycle of failure because they do not learn from their mistakes, and do not use their strengths to help themselves improve. Sometimes, it is difficult and challenging to observe because we cannot change people – people have to be willing to change themselves. Other times, people take heed, and listen and learn, improving and bettering themselves; this is obviously wonderful to see and experience. But, with those folks who don’t believe they have it within themselves to do better, you can talk until you are blue in the face, and nothing will change.

Overall, a saying that I recently found, written by Barbara J. Burrow, captures some of the essence of personal success that I am thinking about and trying to describe here. The only things I would add or change would be that we sometimes cannot live life to the fullest, but we can live it in the best and most “right” way possible; and to obviously add in the importance of loving one’s self. And, when loving one’s self, I am talking about being kind, caring, accepting, forgiving, and supportive of one’s self, and not love in a selfish or narcissistic way.

—

That woman is a success…

who loves life,

and lives it to the fullest,

who has discovered and shared

the strengths and talents

that are uniquely her own;

who puts her best into each task

and leaves each situation

better than she found it,

who seeks and finds

that which is beautiful

in all people…in all things;

whose heart is full of love

and warm with compassion;

who has found joy in living

and peace within herself.

—

Therefore, to end, I must ask, what does success mean to you? What does success look like for you? How are you a success? And, if you do not believe that you have success or are a success, what can you do to change that and have a more positive outlook? These are some good questions to think about. Sometimes, only one person in someone’s life can help create a positive impact or be an important influence for success. It might mean the world to them, and I challenge you to be that person!

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The Power of Positive Relationships

Relationship-Building, Retrieved February 8, 2023 from https://vocal.media/journal/reasons-building-relationships-is-important

Today, I have been thinking about the power of positive relationships and how important they truly are. I have been thinking about this for several reasons. First, I am thankful for all of the positive and supportive relationships that I have – and have had – in my life. Sometimes, people do not think much of relationships or give them much credit, but they are extremely valuable and important. My connections with family, friends, colleagues, and community members are based on positive relationships. Now, sometimes, we may not always like to hear or to share certain realities about things, but a true friend will find a way to do it in a healthy and positive way.

I was able to be supportive to two colleagues who reached out to me today with some shocking and unexpected news. They are physically okay, but their lives have been somewhat altered. Without saying what they experienced, suffice it to say that they will have to go in a different direction now. I always believe that when one door is closed, another is opened, and there are reasons for that, even if we do not know exactly what those reasons are. I gave my colleagues – who are also my friends – as much encouragement and support as I could. I am thankful that they both have a strong and positive family network that they can rely on for support because the support I can provide is only minimal.

My being able to be supportive of my collegial friends today is also a reflection of the strong, positive support that I have recently-received in my close relationships. I believe that because of the support these folks provided to me, I was better able to be a support to my colleagues today. Last week, I reached out to a good friend about an issue that I was struggling with, and he responded with wonderful support. He shared his insights with me in an honest, real, and positive way that was helpful to me in clearing my head and getting me back on track with my focus. I also spoke to my son about the same issue, but in more age and life experience-appropriate terms, and he was supportive, as well. I further spoke with a colleague at work about the same issue, and she was additionally supportive. So, these are three people close to me who I spoke with about this issue – and it was a very serious and upsetting issue – and they all provided support and helped me. All three of them gave me excellent counsel to help me overcome the issue, reminding me about what is good, right, and honest. Of course, I know what is good, right, and honest, but in certain situations, one’s brain can become muddled and it can be challenging to clear away the mud.

Therefore, I am so thankful that I have people in my life with whom I have positive relationships that I can reach out to. It takes time to develop relationships, and it takes even more time to maintain strong, positive, and healthy relationships. I understand and appreciate that, but sometimes, people do not want to invest that time or energy, especially for fear that those relationships will not last. Being hurt is definitely no fun. This is sometimes one of the negative effects of divorce – that people are hesitant in investing into a potential future relationship because promises and commitments made in the prior one were not honored. Or, perhaps, someone may have experienced trauma or abuse in prior relationships, and that can be another reason for people to be cautious about investing in relationships, due to the memories of painful experiences.

My ultimate point here is that positive, healthy, supportive relationships are extremely valuable and they are definitely something to be thankful for. I have recognized that more and more throughout my life, and as I have gotten older. The saying is really true that love is like a garden – you have to water it to make it grow. The same is true of any good relationship. And, as my son reminds me, “friendships are good.” One does not necessarily have to be in an intimate relationship with someone to have a good, positive relationship. I am thankful that he reminds of that, too.

Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays to all!  May you enjoy happy and restful holidays, and a wonderful, healthy, and prosperous new year! Thank you for all of your readership and support during 2017.

Thank You to my Blog Followers (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Hands at Keyboard (Retrieved from zahraurae.com, January 16, 2016)

Already, another year of blogging has passed and I am into the next one.  I must say that I have been somewhat remiss in keeping up with blogging about many interests and issues that I would have liked to, particularly in the past six months or so, however it is a comfort to know that this WordPress platform is here when I have the time for it.

Therefore, I would like to take a moment and express my appreciation to the 34 regular followers of my blog, for recently attaining 100 “likes,” and for amassing nearly 26,500 hits to my page!  While I have not kept up with the specific stats this past year regarding the most popular topics on my blog, and it is not a goal to acquire an obscene amount of followers or hits, I am grateful that there are those out there who read and take some enjoyment from my posts.

So, thank you, again, and I hope you continue to have an interest in my posts on WordPress! 🙂

 

Challenges in Mental Health Care: The Sickness v. Wellness Perspective (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Mental health care is a challenging, but rewarding field.  There are many positive sides of mental health care, and also areas that need improvement.  One of the biggest rewards of mental health care is observing and experiencing progress, recovery, and a return to wellness of clients.  Healing, recovery, and a return to wellness of clients in mental health settings requires patience, understanding, respect, and sensitivity.  Agency and organizational stability is also needed for clients in order that they receive optimal care.  While each agency and/or organization has its own culture, a culture in which workers live in fear of becoming a statistic in extremely high turnover is unhealthy in itself.

As an individual working toward licensure in the mental health profession, I am one whose perspective is from a position of wellness.  First and foremost, one must view a person as a person.  To perceive and treat a person with respect, kindness, nonjudgment, and impartiality are requirements in supporting and empowering the wellness, healing, and recovery of clients.  In the counseling profession, one based on a view of wellness in people, there exists a positive and supportive hope for the overall optimal health of the individual.

This view is different from many other mental health professions in which the general view of the client is one of sickness.  Certainly, approaching an individual with a perspective of what can be improved is helpful, and for insurance purposes involving payment for services rendered, a diagnosis of the client is required, however it is my perspective that viewing the client from a wellness standpoint is much more healthy for all involved rather than judging a person as being sick.

Those who view and describe an individual as a “sick person” have already negatively judged him or her.  They have not viewed the person as a person, but as an “ill person.”  Such a perspective held by such individuals causes them to treat the client differently, as one who needs more and more treatment, more and more medication, more and more confinement.  In these situations, the positive view of wellness is gone, and is replaced by a judgment that the “sick person” is unable to become well.

While clients have challenges to achieving and maintaining wellness, it becomes even more of a challenge when many in the mental health field view clients as sick, and only they as the professionals who hold those views have the power and expertise to make them well – or they have already judged that they will never become well.  A professional who approaches a client from a perspective of wellness (a perspective that is in the minority), therefore, faces even more challenges, not only for themselves but also for their clients when others view them as sick and unable to become well.  A person is still a person, regardless of their diagnosis or disorder.  A person is still a person, and has the capability of becoming well.  A hopeful perspective toward client wellness must exist in the mental health profession – rather than client sickness – in order that clients are supported and empowered to experience that wellness.

A further challenge in agencies and/or organizations in which a “sickness” perspective prevails is that experienced clinicians fall into the trap of believing that their views and judgments about clients are the best – that they are the experts.  Certainly, the experience of a veteran clinician is extremely valuable in treating clients, however experienced clinicians who believe that only their views, judgments, and culture of sickness are the most helpful approaches create a potentially dangerous situations for their clients.  Clinicians of all levels of experience must be open-minded to considering and perceiving different views – including those from a wellness perspective – so that their clients receive optimal care and so that they profession, itself, can grow and develop in a healthy way.

Clinicians who view clients from a perspective of illness and negative judgment place their clients at risk for further illness.  Clinicians who are set in their ways of expertise toward mental health treatment, and who are unable to be open-minded toward viewing different perspectives regarding it have already erected walls around themselves that are harmful for themselves, their clients, the culture of their agency/organization, and the field of mental health.

What clinicians must always place as a primary priority is that people are people.  As such, people should be treated with dignity, understanding, kindness, respect, and sensitivity.  If a perspective of client wellness is lacking or absent, clients will likely experience a more difficult road to recovery and may not achieve wellness.  What is healthier – being an “expert” clinician whose views of client illness cause him or her to be closed to considering a client’s optimal recovery, or being a clinician who treats a person as a person, and who applies a wellness perspective that supports rather than negatively judges the client?  You be the judge.

Being Most Thankful for Family (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Happy Thanksgiving! (Retrieved from http://www.vintag.es, November 27, 2014)

On Thanksgiving, what I am always most thankful for is my family.  My family is always there for me in thick and thin.  My family has weathered many storms and enjoyed sunny days together; I can count on my family for love, compassion, and support, and I provide the same to them. I don’t have a very large family, nor do I have much money, but I have a big heart, full of lots of love. My love is shared with and among my family, for whom I am most thankful on  Thanksgiving and every day.

Other things for which I am thankful include food, faith, community, freedom, education, technology, career, and health.  I am thankful for food, though it is not easy to get by from month to month with food prices continuing to rise.  I appreciate my faith because, if it was not for that, I would not be where I am today, and things would likely be much worse.  I am grateful for community, such as organizations that provide fellowship, to my family.

I am always thankful for freedom and I remember my grandmother’s stories about when she lived in Communist Poland, with people fearing for their lives when homes were raided in the middle of the night and people were never seen again.  I am grateful for education, though the large debt required to pay for it is a hardship.  I appreciate technology that makes life easier.  And, I am thankful for career in many capacities, including that of being a mother, as well as for the potential of a stable gainful and enjoyable employment in a workplace with decent people, if that is ever attainable.  I am thankful for my good health so I do not have to pay out-of-pocket to see the doctor as a result of being without health insurance.

So often, organizations such as colleges, churches, and charities have fundraising drives to help give to those in need.  When I am asked to donate, I reply that I could benefit from some assistance, myself.  As a poor single white mother, so often such places overlook people such as myself, as has occurred again this year.  People in my shoes are reduced to begging for even a little bit in return.  People may maintain the perspective that whites have privilege and that is definitely a stereotype that hurts poor white single mothers such as myself because the majority of any aid, as I observe, goes to people of other races.

I am also thankful for the holes in some of my shabby clothes and worn-out shoes, the place that I live even though it is not my own, the student loans that provide opportunity, my nearly decade-old vehicle that is still in great shape, and that sacrifices that I am able to make for the benefit of my family.  I am thankful for the $15 haircut that I get every two months instead of going to a salon and spending loads of money, and the $3 bottle of fingernail polish that I can use for a manicure or pedicure instead of going someplace to have it done for me.  I am grateful for the free lunch that I eat twice each week at my apprenticeship, and for the store closing sale at the local KMart where I can save a few dollars on Christmas gifts for my son.  I am thankful for what little I have because more is always spent than saved.

These are additional reasons why I am thankful for my family, particularly at Thanksgiving.  Every so often, there is that rare person who comes along who might be caring and/or supportive, but with my family, I know they will always be there, in good and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.  People should be more important than money and possessions, and indeed, my family is most important to me.

So, on this Thanksgiving, I invite you to think about family, values, and people in need.  Think about and be thankful for people who are close to you.  Think about people whom you see at work or in church every week who have little or nothing, and who are usually overlooked in their need.  Take action on what you can do rather than what you cannot.  Open your heart and mind to see what you do not want to see, and take action for what you otherwise would not have done.   A little bit goes a long way, especially for folks who don’t have much.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Remember what you are thankful for!

“Happy Father’s Day!” (By: Michele Babcock-Nice)

Father’s Day Cards for my Dad, June 16, 2013

Wow, it’s Father’s Day already!  The time goes by so fast – year after year, the time flies by.  My dad will be 70 years old this year, and will celebrate his Golden Wedding Anniversary with my mom.  His only grandson turned 10 years old last month; and there’s so much more to come!  This is a big year for my dad.

About my dad, I can say that he has “been there” for me as much as possible and as much as he is able to and capable of.  No doubt, this is much more than many fathers out there, and I am extremely thankful for it.  Throughout my life, I have thought about certain qualities of my dad that I would like for him to practice or exhibit more, though I have come to learn as I have gotten older that one cannot change someone, that it is better to do my best to accept what there is and not change what I cannot.

I am thankful for my dad.  I have a loving, caring, supportive, protective, and wonderful dad.  While he encompasses all of those qualities and more, he is not perfect – as no one is – and I have come to be more accepting of that.  I remember as a child that I would sometimes view other children’s fathers and pick out the qualities in them that I would like to add to my dad.  But then, there were also qualities in the other kids’ dads that I didn’t want in my dad, too.  So, while I already and always love my dad, I came to accept him as he is more as I got older.  Perhaps my view as a child was immature and unrealistic, though I had my ideas of what a dad “should be.”

My dad has definitely earned an A+ in the fathership department.  Every day, he proves himself as a loving, caring husband to my mom, father to me, and grandfather to my son.  He is there for us and does as much as he can for us, with love and compassion in our best interests.  No doubt, there are many others out there who would put up a fight to gain a dad as wonderful as mine.

There are some qualities about my dad that are fitting for him, and that have helped and supported him in his life.  He is not a gossiper, and generally tries not to change others.  While he can be judgmental, he is not political, nor does he have a big ego.  He is not always out to prove himself to others or to the world.  He is simply himself.  Take it or leave it.

And, one has to take time to get to know him in order to fully understand the man whom he is.  As a mother to my dad’s grandson – his only grandchild – I often see a soft spot in his heart for him.  That is wonderful to see and experience, and is something I rarely saw when I was growing up.  It is great to observe that my dad now has the time in his life to invest quality emotion in my son.  He can do that now as a retired senior, and he deserves it after working so hard for most of his life.

My dad is the father to me that his father was not to him.  My dad has been kind, caring, and supportive of me and my son 99% of the time.  For that 1% that he has not been, I understand that the 99% he has given me is his 100%, and that is okay with me.  My father has striven to be the opposite of his own father, in the area of care, love, and compassion toward family.  My dad’s father treated him so terribly that I wonder if he even considers that he was his father.  I feel sorrow and sympathy for my dad that he experienced from his father what no one should experience from anyone.  May God forgive his father for not being a “father” in the true essence of the word.

So, on this Father’s Day, it is time to show our thankfulness, respect, and appreciation to our fathers, particularly those who are loving, caring, compassionate, and supportive.  Perhaps the dads who do not embody those qualities will have good role models in those who do.  We must remember, and be blessed and thankful for our loving and good fathers.  Thank you, Dad; and Happy Father’s Day!